Erin has a Diary
Christina has a Blog
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(Early) Friday morning.
April 7th, 2006
Dear Diary,
It’s me, Erin. I am so exhausted. It is 2 o'clock in the morning, just got back from Christy's house. She called me over around ten and said that it was an emergency. When I got to her house I noticed there was no car in the drive way, assuming her parents were not home. I walked into her house finding a bright light leading up the stairs. Everything else in her house was dark. I walked towards the light where I found Christy in her room crying. She told me that Jude had left the house just a while ago to the 24/7 drugstore. I asked her what for? She didn’t answer.
I looked around and all I could see was tissues scattered around her bed and asked her what’s wrong. She told me it’s been a little over a month and she did not get her period yet. I thought she was just over reacting because of the exams we've been getting lately and her activity during softball practice.
Jude came back from the store. He looked miserable... like he hasn’t been sleeping for days. He handed a box to Christy, then immediately left the room. Christy headed into the bathroom and closed the door shut.
Twenty minutes passed and I could hear Christy crying from the other side of the door. I knocked on the door and asked to come in. She slowly opened the door and as I walked in I could see the pregnancy test already thrown into the bath tub.
I tried to comfort her but she couldn't stop crying. She kept repeating over and over again "I can't believe this is happening".
Picking up the Pregnancy test, I put it back into the box and put it on top of the sink. I brought Christy back into her room where Jude, back from down stairs, was nervously pacing back and forth. While Christy was crying, I told him the news.
Jude paused for a moment and just yelled, "I can't do this anymore... I mean this can't be happening!"
That was when I told Jude “Calm down. Things are going to be alright, just relax.”
"Thing’s are NOT going to be alright Erin!” Then he began to stutter, “I...I... I can’t be here... This is just too much.... are you sure it said positive?”
I walked back into the bathroom, picked up the box with the pregnancy test inside and handed it to him. He took the test and started reading the directions on the box, then back at the test.
“We're only 16 years old..... You just can't be happening!" He yelled.
I told Jude he has to help her, but he refused to. He said he wanted no part of her and the baby… and so he left the house.
Christy started crying hysterically. I had to calm her down so I stayed for a while till she was able to sleep. I told her I’d stop on by in the morning because it was already late.
I left her lying in her bed and left the house, with the stereo on to keep her company.
And now I am home. As her best friend, I am always there to support her. It has been a long night, and to be thinking about a baby at a time like this; during out high school years is unimaginable. I mean, if she keeps that baby, will she is in high school?
Well it is too much to think about at 2 in the morning, really late, and I have school the tomorrow.
More to come soon.
-Erin
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Saturday - Mid-day.
April 15th, 2006
Dear Diary,
Alright, it’s Saturday and for the past two weeks it’s been rough for Christy. So far she hasn’t gotten in contact with Jude, nor has he been trying to call her – what an ass –and not only that, her parents do not know the bad news. She said she is not planning to tell anyone until the bump actually appears –totally a bad idea. I think she wants to play it off as if she didn’t know she were pregnant, but no girl can pull off a day without freaking out, knowing that she is pregnant. I’m sure Jude told a few of his friends, knowing how boys are.
Christy didn’t come to school on last Friday, the day I came to her house that morning. She came back to school the following week that passed though and everybody could tell that something was wrong with her by the way she was acting. People knew it had something to do with Jude for the fact that he kept walking right past her when they were in the halls.
Poor Christy, I just feel so bad for her.
Last night I had a talk with her to figure out how everything came to place. She told me it was that party last month that we went to, where she got soooo drunk. Christy, Jude and I came together. Jude drove us to some guys place where he was throwing a party with all these people from school. I knew a few kids there, but everybody else was people probably from Cali heading east of Vegas and just dropped on by. I remember a lot of people got wasted. That night girls were tripping over the coffee tables, guys’ spazzing and cracking jokes on each other. There was this one girl who wouldn’t stop crying too ha-ha - I found that really funny. That place was just a mess when I left.
Though, before I left, I was looking for Christy and she was no where to be found. I thought she was in the bathroom or with Jude somewhere so I just waited, talking to this really cute guy who was sober, not too drunk to talk to.
Christy said she doesn’t remember what happened that night, only that she didn’t have any underwear on when she got to Jude’s house. She figured that it was Jude since he brought her home the following day.
I on the other hand got a ride from the cute guy at the party. I left a couple of hours before Christy and Jude because I thought they left without me.
Christy thinks she got pregnant that same night of the party. She thinks that while she was drunk, Jude and she had unprotected sex, which probably explains the stained jeans she was wearing that night.
I mean the last party we went to was not too long ago either and this time I looked out for Christy, just to make sure I don’t leave without her, or she leaves without me.
I just can’t believe this is happening to her, my own best friend is pregnant. We used to make jokes about how I’d be the godmother of her children but I never would have thought that this day would be coming while we are in high school. Who would have thought that Christy would get pregnant? She’s surprisingly a straight A student, and is an amazing soft ball player, though a lot of girls get jealous of that just because she is sophomore playing in a varsity softball team.
I hope her pregnancy doesn’t ruin her rep in school. She a nice girl but a lot of other girls is tough on her because they are jealous! She doesn’t stick up for herself a lot, just lets people walk on her when they criticize her—usually Jude is there to stick up for her. I on the other hand am never there when she gets called on. I wish I were so I could snap at those bitches…. Well I’m going to the movies in a little bit with the cute guy from the party. His name is Kevin. We started hanging out a week after the party and we really hit it off. He’s really nice... and well….
(Phone rings)
Ill gets to the details later!
-Erin
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Blogger.com (on PRIVATE mode)
April 15th, 2006
2:33
Christina here. I haven’t been on my blog in a while. It’s not like anybody reads this thing anyways. But still, I will try to update this blog weekly about by experiences and what not.
Words can’t even describe what I’ve been going through for the past few days. Softball has been hitting me hard lately. There is a lot of pressure on the field with me being the pitcher and all. With the girls on my team and the people in class have been getting on my nerves too. I have been stressed out with classes, with teachers and with softball all at once. I was TRYING, past tense, to make time for Jude—just to hang out with him and what not, but it seems like there is no need for that now that he is not talking to me. It started two weeks ago and still going till this very day.
This is why he will not talk to me—[BRACE YOURSELF]
Last week I found out I was pregnant. I am trying to accept the fact that I am pregnant, though it has been difficult for the past few days. When I found out, it was very dramatic.
Mom and Dad weren’t home that same night so I invited Jude over. We were just hanging out kissing and all, till I realized that I should have gotten my period two weeks ago. I started freaking out and that when I called Erin over to help me, the only girl I can count on. By the time she came Jude was already out, buying a pregnancy test.
Long story short, the test turned out positive and on that same night Jude left the house yelling how this can’t be happening because he was ‘sixteen’. He’s not the one carrying a child inside of him! Well, I’m not sure if we broke up or not, but I plan on calling him later. It has been two weeks and I haven’t talked to him ever since that day. He refuses to talk to me in school, or even look at me. It’s ridiculous how he thinks it’s about himself before me.
Not only is Jude not talking to me, but I also have to break the news to mom and dad. I still am not sure if I should. Erin is suggesting that I tell them sooner rather than later… but I just don’t know.
<3Christina
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Blogger.com (on PRIVATE mode)
April 16th, 2006
10:06
I got a chance to talk to Jude last night. He sounds like he does not care about us anymore and more about himself. I asked him why couldn’t he stay for me, for us? In response, he said that he did not want to have anything to do with me or the baby. I snapped back saying that it he has to deal with it because it was his sperm that leaked into my system.
That was when he paused and said that he has the choice to not support me if he wanted to.
What an ass.
Then he suggested about getting an abortion or else he would not talk to me anymore. I know the affects of having an abortion- mentally and physically and I am not up for that. Not only am I not ready to feel mentally and physically depressed, but I am not going to shove a metal tool up my vagina, into my uterus, to scrape a fetus out of my body. No sir. That is not going to happen to me.
I am totally against abortion!
As much as I would want Jude there for me, I can live without him if it means not getting an abortion because I chose not to.
<3Christina
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Wednesday - Art Elective.
April 19th, 2006
Dear Diary,
I am in art, and the teacher thinks I am sketching in my book or something. So the last time I wrote I was interrupted by a phone call from Kevin. Ironically he goes to Sierra Vista, the same high school as I do. I told him I never see him around school. He says it because he has a different lunch schedule than I do and has football practice after school to prepare for next year’s season. I’m telling you, this guy is such a gentleman. Enough about Kevin… I don’t want to ramble about a guy that I just met.
With Christina, I’ve been trying to help her out lately. Surprisingly she has not cried as dramatic as she cried that night of her pregnancy test discovery. I could tell that she is trying to act as if nothing has happened. But every time she passes by Jude in the hallway she starts tearing up, remembering the trouble she is going through. It is tough, but I know Christy’s a strong girl.
I will write more tonight… Ms. Shelley is telling me to put my ‘sketch book’ away and start painting up a real portrait.
-Erin
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Blogger.com
April 19th, 2006
1:15PM
I can’t take it anymore!!!
Jude is in one of my classes and will not even stop to talk to me after I asked to talk with him after biology. I swear that boy has a lot of balls to be running away from his problems than trying to work it out.
I just don’t understand why he is suddenly turning his back on me. He said he was always going to be there for me. He said he’d never let me go. Even through the tough times with these girls in school he’s been there for me, but now he can’t bear to even look at me. I’ve already asked his friends to talk to him for me, but the same responses keep popping up “He doesn’t feel like talking now Chris, sorry.”
Jude seriously makes me feel like shit every time I walk by him.
Unbelievable how boys act now a days. I thought he would have been the one to help me, but unfortunately he has to be a typical boy who doesn’t give a crap except for himself.
Fuck Jude.
<3Christina
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Wednesday – Late Afternoon.
April 19th, 2006
Dear Diary,
So I’m at home, watching a movie while Christy is in the bathroom, taking a shower. She is sleeping over for the night- said that she needed the time away from her mom and dad because they’re putting a lot of pressure on her about school.
She told me about her conversation with Jude the other day. He told her to get an abortion- obviously to make things easier for him and her, but she told me she was totally against it. She mentioned that before she headed into the shower. I can see where Jude is coming from though, I mean he actually has a point about having an abortion. Even though abortion ‘kills a baby’, it will save Christy a whole lot of money and sacrifice that would have eventually been made, if she kept the baby, which she IS planning to do. To imagine she kept the baby? Things would be very hard on her than it is right now. She would be taking care of the baby, possibly during school and buying clothes, food and diapers-- money that could be spent on her college tuition by the time she graduates. She is only sophomore, and by the time she does have the baby, she will be in her junior year, trying to prepare for college, but because of the baby, she is going to be distracted and is not going to have the time to focus on her studies. I don’t know, maybe I am being too harsh on her situation.
But Christina needs to be rational. I hope she knows what she is doing.
-Erin
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Blogger.com
June 13th, 2006
7:28PM
So it two months have passed and I am exhausted. School ends in about a week or so, and I cannot wait until that day comes. A lot has happened within the two months. For starters, a week or two after my breakdown about Jude in April, I told my coach that I was not going to be able to play softball for the rest of the school year. She looked disappointed though she looked like she knew that there had to be something wrong, so she curiously asked why. I was in her office when I told her, so I closed the door behind me and told her that there was personal reason why I am deciding to quit the team. Looking straight at me, she said that if I need any help that she is always there for me, as my coach or as a friend that I can depend on her for anything. I said thanks, and just left the room feeling terrible about the decision I had made.
After our conversation, I started to feel nauseous. I headed into the girls bathroom and was in front of the sink, in a position where I was ready to vomit. I looked at myself in the mirror, tears forming in my eyes, trying to figure out where all the pain is coming from. As I was looking at in the mirror, I start rubbing my stomach under my baggy sweater. I can feel how it has gotten bigger than it was two months ago. My stomach started irritating me, causing me to cough so much that I dropped my stuff and ran into the stall, leaned against the toilet and started throwing up. It was about 4 o’clock in the after noon, so I figured nobody would be around to hear me in the bathroom.
And so I thought…
That was when this girl walked into the bathroom. I didn't pay her any mind for the simple fact I was dealing with my own problem and did not want her to get involved. I continued to throw up after five minutes, and then finally came to a stop. I cleaned myself up from the sink and started to gather my things until the girl asked me if I were okay. I looked at her for a moment and recognized her from one of my classes. It is a very big class so I wasn’t able to remember her name. I responded to her telling her I “yeah, I’m fine,”
She quickly replied saying, “are you sure? I can get help if you want?”
I told her “it’s fine, it’s fine.”
As I left the bathroom, I told “thanks… for being concerned and all.”
After walking out of the school, I started to feel a little better.
Thirty minutes later, I got myself thinking about this baby and what to do.
I locked myself in my bedroom for the past couple of hours- ever since I got back from school. I took a shower, changed my clothes and started to clean up my room. Cleaning up is an odd way for me to get stuff out of my mind. I just tried to keep myself busy, but every time I passed by the mirror, I couldn't stop looking at my self.
I paused for a moment and started lifting up my shirt. In my head, I’m thinking “I can’t believe this is happening.” I mean for a sixteen year old girl, my stomach has gotten pretty big for the past few months.
Mom and dad do not know about my situation yet. I am too scared to tell them what happened to me. The way they are going to react is going to be too much stress on me, knowing how they might deal with me. They are going tell me how irresponsible I am like how every other parent would tell their pregnant child. Though in the long run I just hope, WISH, they could just help and support me as I am trying to carry this baby….
I mean I am thinking about telling them some time soon. Unfortunately, I know I am going to have to.
<3Christina
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Blogger.com
June 22nd, 2006
4:47PM
You know what I’ve been noticing lately? Is that I haven’t been talking to Erin lately. Of course I see her in school and all, but about me being pregnant and all the personal things? I have not spoken to her about any of that. She is still cool with me, and every other person that I WOULDN’T talk to. I mean she still talks to Jude, which I find disrespectful in some ways, but that would be immature of me to be mad at her over a guy. Anyways, I feel like Erin has drifted away from me, like I lost my touch of being her best friend, and her being mine. I don’t know, I feel like if we keep this distance from each other we might learn to grow apart from each other which I wouldn’t want. I’ll probably call her later tonight or something to come over and have sleep over this weekend. It is officially summer time, so hopefully we can catch up on anything I haven’t told her or she hasn’t told me, yet.
<3Christina
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Friday – Afternoon.
June 23rd, 2006
Dear Diary,
Today in school Christina asked me to sleep over her house. Its pretty random for the simple fact we have not talked in a while. It is kind of awkward bring around Christina because I am afraid to offend her or bring up anything about her and Jude, so I stay shut most of the time when it is about her and her baby.
And did I mention that Christina’s baby is the new talk around school? Most of the girls in our grade have noticed, for the past few months, that Christy’s stomach has gotten bigger. Some of the girls have come up to me, asking if she has gained weight, because from the looks of it, she is hiding that belly of hers under a sweater in the middle of the summer in Las Vegas, Nevada. Now isn’t that weird? It is weird to the students who DON’T know about her situation. Some girls have already guessed about her being pregnant, but dare not to say anything—not just yet.
Well, I am heading to her house in about an hour or so. Not in such a bright mood to be heading over to her house. I hope I can recover from feeling like this.
-Erin
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Blogger.com
June 25th, 2006
10:19PM
I feel like this sleep over did nothing to help Erin and I get closer than what we once were. She’s my best friend and it’s so weird we are not as close as we used to be. She left the house leaving this strange vibe that she didn’t want to be around me anymore.
We stayed home all weekend instead of going out because of my condition and all. The things we used to do are not all that fun when I am about three months pregnant.
This whole weekend, I tried to talk to her as much as I used to, though she had nothing much to respond after I brought up a topic to talk about. Usually Erin would go on and on about what’s on her mind and questions things if she is curious about anything. But now our conversations are so dull. Like yesterday, we were in the kitchen making brownies and it got really quiet. So I asked her about that kid Kevin she was talking to at the party two months ago:
“So Erin, how’s that guy you’ve been talking to?”
“What guy?”
“You know… the guy from the party?”
“um… I haven’t talked to any guy from any party”, that’s when she sounded offended.
“Well, I am talking about the guy from the party two months ago—who brought you home? Kevin? Isn’t that his name?”
“Oh…. Him. Oh yeah he’s fine. We’ve been hanging out here and there.”
“Really? Are you guys dating or did you make it official?”
“…Just dating.”
And that was the end of our boring conversation. It’s like she doesn’t want to tell me about what’s up in her life, or what she’s been going through. I mean she hasn’t asked about how I’ve been feeling or doing to deal with the pregnancy for the past two months. What the fuck is up with that? Maybe I am acting too selfish, but c’mon, a best friend has to be concerned about every once and a while right? This girl has not asked about me in a while, nor did she have anything to say about Softball, Jude, me, my life? Is it a bad thing that she hasn’t asked about me?
Enough about me, it is probably too quick to assume that she doesn’t want to be around me anymore.
<3 Christina
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